Thank you to the Stars.
And the Saints.
Thank you to the Brothers and the Sisters.
Thank you to Friends and Healers and Potions and Herbs and thank you to Spring and it’s promise of Summer.
To Flowers and Vegetables and Peepers and Baby Deer and The River.
Thank you to Unexpected Money and Plays about Old Women and New Visions and thank you even to Cigarettes for joining me when I asked you to but leaving when I ask you to also.
Thank you to my Partner in Life.
I didn’t know that Dread was ruling me. I thought it was Pain. And Loss. And Grief and Anger. I thought I was broken and I would not find Joy or Light until I was well again. I thought I would not be able to write another thing, not be able to want to write another thing until I was mended. And I did not know for sure if I would ever be mended.
But somewhere on the road from Middlebury to Topsham, Dread lifted.
I still felt poorly. My hip hurt and my neck hurt and my belly down where the scar is, that hurt too. Same shit different day, I was prepared to think.
But I didn’t think that.
I thought about this art project I want to do where I map out a New Vision I have of what it’s like to be human, this human, at this time in my life. And then I thought of my cabin and how I’d like to set up as an art space so I could go out there and paint and play with paper and glue. I was glad that we’re putting an outdoor shower on the back side of it, the side that faces just trees and that we’ll have a place to plug in things if we want to.
I drove the speed limit, I stopped and saw a family friend on the way. I got home late and didn’t unpack but, instead, took a bath and went to bed.
I slept well even though I still didn’t feel good.
And now it’s three days later and I feel a little bit better in my body but not well. I’m writing this down and sending it out so as to make note to myself that I felt this way and thought these thoughts. I feel better even though I am not all better.
And just in case you have ever had this kind of time in your life, just in case this is one of them, I want you to know that at least this one person who it turns out was taken up with Dread can now feel past it.
And it feels good.